Real

A couple of weeks ago I read this post on a blog I follow.  Have you ever read something that you have deep empathy for, but no real reference in your life to how they really feel?  That is how I felt about that post.

Then a week later I had a reference to this experience happen to me.  Now the two experiences and circumstances are very different.  But what I did experience was the reality of someone important to me dying and seeing the reality in print.

My aunt sent me this article:

My dad has been dead for 37 years (as many years as I have been alive).  I know he is dead.  I have heard lots of stories and references to him.  His DNA is in my blood.  He exsisted.  However, it is hard for me to know he exsisted since I don't remember him.  I don't have any of my own memories.  Any "memories" I have are second hand from others who knew him and loved him.

This article made it so very real to me.  His name, day he died, time of death, where he died, his address, how he died, and the fact that he had 4 children (one of them being me), made it real.  I am not sure I was in denial, but I am not sure I understood how real it was until I read this article.

My dad was a living, breathing, hard working man who loved his children.  My heart hurts a little more now.  I wish I could have known him in this lifetime.  He really lived, and he really died, and he really had 4 children, and his death really effected us in ways no one will completely understand.  Somehow seeing it in print makes it so much more real.  Makes him much more real.