Mini Vacation

We went with some friends to Park City and spent a couple nights at a condo. We love getting together with these friends. These are 3 friends of Brett's from High School. We all got married at the same time and all have kids about the same ages. We go on at least one vacation with them a year, and get together a few times a year. Our kids love it.


We went tubing at Soilder's Hollow (though I couldn't tube because I was still recovering, but it was fun sitting at the bottom taking pictures).

Alec was very cold after tubing and buried himself in the blanket.

The best part is you are pulled up the hill!

Bailey, Brynn, Parker, Alayna, Alec, and Gavin

The kids also went swimming and we just had a good time hanging out and getting away for a couple of days.

The only problem is that it was way too short and coming home was hard to do!

Just some thoughts

It is hard to share bad things in life. But it helps to talk about bad things sometimes, to get your thoughts out. It may help someone else out there too.

I am struggling with the loss of my baby. I realized something the other day. I was very aware of my pregnancies. I was very sick for 6 weeks with the first one and 5 weeks with the second one. I couldn't hold anything down and was put on medication. I was very tired and had no energy because I couldn't eat much. I stayed in bed a lot. From the minute I knew I was pregnant I was aware of the changes in my body and was very aware that there was a life growing in me.

When you tell people about a miscarriage this is probably the first time they even knew you were pregnant. They haven't invested weeks into knowing this child. So it seems that a miscarriage is so much harder on the mother then anyone else. I am painfully aware that my child is gone. I also feel like I just had a baby. I am sore, exhausted, and my hormones are making me crazy emotional. Dealing with it is a little lonely because of the fact that no one else is invested in it like the mother is. Everyone moves on while you are stuck with healing physically and emotionally.

This isn't about saying that other people don't care. I am very aware that there are a lot of people out there that have been so good to me through this. I also know that this is a big loss for my husband and I know how hard this has been on him too. I am just realizing how hard miscarriage really is, especially for the mother. And I hope someday I can help someone else who is going through this painful time, though I hope that nobody I know will have to go through this.

I miss my babies. I miss my little growing belly. I even miss being sick (I never thought I would say that), because when I was sick I was pregnant.

Broccoli has no place on vacation

We are going on a mini vacation with some friends in a few days. I was talking to Alec about what we are going to on our vacation.

Mom: Alec it is going to be so fun. We are going to go tubing, swimming, play with our friends, play Wii, hang out, eat good food.

Alec: (With a very concerned look on his face) I am not going to have to eat broccoli on vacation am I?

Mom: No Alec, you will never have to eat broccoli on vacation. I promise!

The smile on his face was priceless! Cute kid.

Another crappy day that changes your life forever

I wasn't sure if I should post this or not. But sometimes you need some support on your crappy days.

I was planning on posting a happy post tomorrow about being pregnant again. But today at my 9 week appointment we had an ultrasound and there was a baby, but no heartbeat.

We are devistated. We really thought this baby was fine. We got pregnant only 2 months after my last miscarriage and were so excited to be pregnant again so soon. I don't understand and am still so shocked. Once again I am very sick, and my body still thinks it is pregnant. I am going to need a D&C probably on Friday.

The emotional and physical tole that these 2 pregnancies have taken on my body and mind is almost more then I can bear.

I think the second time around is even harder then the first. I can't believe how bad my heart is broken.

By the way my kids don't know this time. I am glad now, because I don't think I could handle breaking their hearts again. So please don't mention this to my kids.

Friday Weigh In

Today I lost 0.8 pounds. That is a total of 25.4 pounds.

I am having a really hard time getting up in the morning to go to the gym. Does anyone else have this problem in the winter? It is hard to get out of your nice warm bed, and I seem more tired in the winter. So I have been trying to go at night, but that isn't always easy either. I really need to get back on the consistent workout wagon.

Thankful Thursdays

Remember when you were in Elementary School and Valentine's Day came around? Remember making your Valentines Cards for your class, marking off each kid on your list, adding a couple of conversation hearts to the envelope, and receiving 24 cards from the rest of the kids in your class? That was a good childhood memory.

I am thankful today that I can help create the same good memories for my kids.
We put together the kids Valentines last night. This is the first year that all 3 of my kids have been able to do it. Alec took his to preschool today, and Gavin and Brynn are excited for their Valentine's parties tomorrow.

Valentine's cards sure have changed over the years. There are no more envelopes, and the cards are much smaller. And now you have to tape your candy on the small card somewhere.
Gavin has Clone Wars cards this year. Brynn has puppies and kitties, and Alec has dinosaur cards.

Friday Weigh In

I lost 1.4 pounds this week for a total of 24.4 pounds. This is also the lowest I have weighed in 3 years! Pretty happy about that.

I had a goal of losing 8 pounds by today, but only lost 4.6. I am still proud of myself.

Thankful Thursdays

Today what I am grateful for is pretty cliche, however, it is on my mind lately.

I am very thankful that my husband and I have good jobs.

Everyday on the news you hear of more and more people losing their jobs. It is scary. I don't know if we will keep our jobs, but right now we have them and don't have to worry, and I am thankful for that.

I work from home for an online University. I grade papers over the internet. Honestly, it is very boring sometimes and I don't have a whole lot of human interaction. But, I can work from home, don't have to worry about daycare, only have work 3 hours a day, and I can work in my pajamas! I am thankful for my job.