Just some thoughts

It is hard to share bad things in life. But it helps to talk about bad things sometimes, to get your thoughts out. It may help someone else out there too.

I am struggling with the loss of my baby. I realized something the other day. I was very aware of my pregnancies. I was very sick for 6 weeks with the first one and 5 weeks with the second one. I couldn't hold anything down and was put on medication. I was very tired and had no energy because I couldn't eat much. I stayed in bed a lot. From the minute I knew I was pregnant I was aware of the changes in my body and was very aware that there was a life growing in me.

When you tell people about a miscarriage this is probably the first time they even knew you were pregnant. They haven't invested weeks into knowing this child. So it seems that a miscarriage is so much harder on the mother then anyone else. I am painfully aware that my child is gone. I also feel like I just had a baby. I am sore, exhausted, and my hormones are making me crazy emotional. Dealing with it is a little lonely because of the fact that no one else is invested in it like the mother is. Everyone moves on while you are stuck with healing physically and emotionally.

This isn't about saying that other people don't care. I am very aware that there are a lot of people out there that have been so good to me through this. I also know that this is a big loss for my husband and I know how hard this has been on him too. I am just realizing how hard miscarriage really is, especially for the mother. And I hope someday I can help someone else who is going through this painful time, though I hope that nobody I know will have to go through this.

I miss my babies. I miss my little growing belly. I even miss being sick (I never thought I would say that), because when I was sick I was pregnant.