(I cringe when I read on other blogs, "this is my journal so I am including this..." I don't know why I cringe from this. Maybe because it seems so silly to point that out. However, I feel a need to write that today. This post is a little personal, but I do want to remember it in my "journal.")
In August I had a laperoscopy and the Doctor found endometriosis and veracious veins. This was the cause of my pain. I have pain 3 weeks out of the month. There are some days I can't even move because the pain is so bad. It is taking over my life.
My doctor said that we needed to make a decision on whether to get pregnant or have a hysterectomy. A Hysterectomy is the only way to get rid of the veracious veins and the pain.
These last 5 months we have done a lot of soul searching on what the best decision would be. My doctor told me if I did get pregnant it would be a very hard pregnancy. We also have gone through 3 years of infertility followed by 2 miscarriages. We have been trying to have another baby for 4 years now. It isn't working, the pain is increasing, my children, I already have, need their mom back and to be happy and healthy.
Trust me when I say I know for a fact that this is the right decision.
But, just because it is the right decision it doesn't make it any easier or less sad. I am sad I can never be pregnant again and feel that baby inside me. I am sad I can never give birth to another child. It really breaks my heart. But I am learning we aren't in charge of our lives, that there is a bigger picture. I also feel very lucky, considering all the problems I have now, that I have 3 healthy children.
Brynn cried her eyes out last night because she will never have a sister. It is something she has been praying for since she was 3 years old. It breaks my heart that I can't give her a sister.
The surgery is tomorrow morning. I pray that this surgery makes me feel better. I pray for my family to have comfort during this physical and emotional time. I pray that everything will work out for the best.
9 years ago
12 comments:
my thoughts are with you. hope all goes well. let me know if i can help in any way!
I think you have a healthy perspective - that is a tough decision to make.
Let me know if you need more 'kid free' time on Wednesday - all 3 are more than welcome to spend the night here.
You are definitely in our prayers Sarah. We love you!
We love you Sarah, and we will be praying extra hard for you for then next little while.
Hugs and kisses Sarah!
I'll keep you and your family in my prayers and my thoughts will be with you tomorrow. Much love!
Good luck tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you!
Our thoughts are with you. Feel better soon, and know that you made the right decision... Love you lots!
I am so sorry that you had to make such a hard decision. I hope all goes well and you will be in our thoughts and prayers
I hope this is the answer to your pain! You are right your kids need you healthy and happy. You can always find a baby to hug and kiss on for the day. I would lend out mine but we are a little far apart. Get a job at a daycare in the baby room then you can be around them all the time but send them home. Good luck and remember all these people who are praying for you.
You are in my prayers Sarah..all of you are. I'm here if you ever need to talk..I hope you know that! I love you!
Wishing you a speedy recovery! I am in a similar boat. I had my surgery 3 years ago where I lost my left ovary and I didn't think much of it, just a couple months ago i started having pain again and I went in for a laporoscopy in nov. and they found that from my previous surgery my ovary healed up to my uterus which then healed to my abdomen and then it all fused to my bowels (basically one gigantic organ). my doc said I need to have another baby ASAP or have a hysterectomy. It's too overwhelming to think about! let me know if i can do anything!
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